How not to be a MOMBIE!

When I had my daughter, my first baby, I panicked about pretty much anything and everything. My anxiety levels were extreme. As a brand new mum I'm not ashamed to say I had no idea what the hell I was doing. I was a first class mombie. (Definition: an exhausted mother that feeds on coffee and survives on wine). 

I questioned everything I did, every decision I made. (AND I looked like death warmed up whilst doing it *shudder*).

I barely slept for 6 months. Not because my baby didn't, oh no, she slept through from about 10 weeks like a dream. 

I was up most of the night because of two reasons: 

Either Ellie was grunting, moaning and groaning loudly so I thought surely something must be wrong, or Ellie was sleeping so peacefully that I thought perhaps she'd stopped breathing. (Cue me prodding her, placing my hand on her chest or trying to feel her breath on my cheek - which often disturbed her, of course leading her to grunt and moan as above.). 

My husband and I obsessed about room temperature. We had a thermometer in every room and were forever putting on the heating or opening windows to try and maintain the perfect 18 or so degrees.  Was she too hot? Was she too cold? Is that thermometer actually even working? 

There were just so many things I worried about, the list was endless. 

On having my second, in the 8 short weeks Ethan's been with us, my perspective on parenting has been totally different. 

It's not that I don't care as much, not at all. It's that I've learnt that there's no need to be so anxious. That there's actually only a handful of things you need to do/check to keep your baby blissful. Are they fed, winded, dry and warm? Throw in do they need a nap/are they overtired to the mix and you've pretty much nailed it. 

Yes, looking after a newborn is still *the* hardest thing you'll ever do in my opinion, whether it's your first or your fourth. It's just that your second time around it's much easier to be more relaxed. Plus if you are more relaxed the whole experience can actually be much more enjoyable. 

This time around I only change nappies when they actually need changing. I'm not going through 78 nappies a day and if I do find that one is dry I do that bad boy right back up again. 

I don't stress if Ethan doesn't drink exactly 6oz of milk at each and every feed. He's not going to starve (clearly) so there's no need to force it down him just to make myself feel better. Maybe he's just not that hungry right now. He'll soon let me, and everyone else on my street, know when he is. 

I now know if he's been awake for about two hours he gets tired and has a little moan to remind me. That's simply all it is, the kid needs a nap. He's not starving/ill/wants to be rocked into oblivion, he just wants a snooze. And if he doesn't nap when he's "supposed to" it's not the end of the world. There's always the next nap. 

If I have a relatively bad day, say if Ethan's having a growth spurt and all I've done is feed and change him, or he's fought sleep for 20 hours solid there's always tomorrow. It's kind of like the saying 'Today is the first day of the rest of my life' apart from it includes more explosive nappies and milky projectile vomit. 

It's okay to not let someone pick Ethan up if he's sleeping. If you want a cuddle you'll just have to wait. Imagine being in a deep sleep and someone hoisting you up and cooing right in your face, you wouldn't be impressed (except if that someone was Brad Pitt). 

I've learnt not to go straight to Google to check every last 'symptom'. It's just a bit of dry skin not a flesh eating disease caught from my chihuahua. 

It's okay to go to bed at 7pm. Just because I've always gone to bed at midnight after a movie and few G&T's doesn't mean I have to do the same now. (except if that movie is starring Brad Pitt. Can you sense the theme here?). 

Somedays if Ethan will only take a nap like this then so be it (the washing/cleaning/cooking can wait): 

(Excuse the face/hair - that day I was lucky to shower & dress!). 

This time around I remind myself more often that Ethan is just a baby. He's a tiny (well in Ethan's case not so tiny) little bubba that just wants cuddles and kisses, milk and much, much more milk. There's no need to beat myself up if the day doesn't go according to plan - this time I'm definitely more mummy than Mombie. 

Parenting is hard, no one is perfect. If you try your best then that best is certainly enough for your baby. Time is precious, it goes by so quick, so take the time to enjoy each and every moment. After all your baby will soon enough be slamming his bedroom door whilst screaming "mum you're so unfair"....

What have you done differently the second time around? What's your top parenting tip for an easier life with a newborn? 

Check out '20 ways you know you're a new mum' - here

And the 'Unwritten baby age gap rule' - here

Love Emma 

XOXO 

The Unwritten Baby Age Gap Rule

My daughter is almost 8. (8 going on 18. Have no idea where she gets that from). My son is 8 weeks. Yes, yes, that's a pretty hefty age gap. 

People often ask why we left it so long before having another baby. Often is actually an understatement. Strangers look at Ethan, coo for a bit then pretty much always comment "he's your first?". When I reply 'oh no, I have a 7 year old daughter" 9 times out of 10 their eyes bulge. People are surprised, shocked, even look at me in almost pity. Some people presume that there must have been some medical reason for the "delay", that something must have gone wrong along the way. I mean there's no way we could have actively made the decision to have our children this far apart, right? 

Now that I have Ethan I've discovered that there seems to be some unwritten rule regarding baby age gaps. A rule that if you plan to have more than one child you're supposed to do it within a certain, short, timeframe. It seems to be more socially acceptable to have a newborn and a toddler than a teen and a tot.

I understand that people like to have their children to be close in age, so that the siblings can play together, share experiences together. I totally get it. Some woman love being pregnant, have their first and can't wait to have another. I get that too. 

What almost upsets me is that I've found that a hell of a lot of people have the attitude of, what feels like, churning out kids to "get it out of the way". Like the baby/toddler years are so hideous that they couldn't possibly contemplate doing it again once their first had started sleeping throughout the night. Like the woman is just a baby making machine and she's gotta job to do and only a certain amount of time to do it. It's best to get all the babies done so that they can get back to their "normal" lives as quickly as possible. 

I really don't think there's a right or wrong timescale for having babies. Each to their own. I would never judge a mum that has 3 children under three so it kinda gets my goat that people seem to think it's totally ridiculous that my little ones have 7 years between them.

My husband and I didn't have a plan set in stone to how many children we would like to have. After having our daughter we simply enjoyed our time as a family of 3 and it just so happens that it was 6 years or so before we wanted to add another little Rumble to the clan. 

For a while we might have remained as a 3 and we were totally content with that. Other people however weren't. 

It also seems that if you decide to have 'just' one child that there must be a medical reason why you haven't got more, like there must be something wrong. That you couldn't possibly choose to have just one child. I even had someone say to me that it was "cruel" to have only one baby. Really. 

There's positive and negatives to having both large and small age gaps. One or more children. 

Yes, it's tough going back to sleepless nights after enjoying 10 solid hours of shut-eye for a long time (I'm fully aware of this, you don't need to point it out, thanks lovie) but having this age gap is FULL of positives. 

I'm able to concentrate fully on my new baby, especially whilst my daughter is at school. I only have one bum to change, one person to wash and dress. 

Ellie is a huge, huge help but the best bit is that she really, honestly wants to help.  She can watch Ethan so I can shower/hang the washing out/do a wee. She can go and get nappies, wipe his spit-up chin, make him smile, help at bath time and she enjoys every single moment. 

She takes her role of big sister very seriously. She doesn't get jealous. She completely understands that if I'm feeding the baby I can't immediately play football or make a loom band dress and matching hat. 

She can stop him from crying like no other, sing him songs that make him smile from ear to ear. She doesn't moan or groan if I ask her to do something for me, to go put a poo filled nappy in the nappy bin. 

This set up works for us I just wish that some people wouldn't feel we've been foolish and most of all vocalise these thoughts. I would never shake my head, roll my eyes or look a mum with pity for having a mini bus full of toddlers so why do people think it's acceptable to do that to me?

On having Ethan I've been reminded that babies are a complete and utter blessing. I've learnt that we should never ever take the ability to grow a human for granted. That we should enjoy every moment, every explosive nappy, every sick stained T shirt. Most of all I've learnt that every family is different, each situation varies and that there's no right or wrong. 

You might have strong opinions on the perfect time scale for popping out your mini-me's but frankly keep these thoughts to yourself, especially when talking to a new mum. (Unless you want your head bitten off). 

Having a baby is hard. Really blimin' hard, whether it's your first or your fifth so let's support and encourage each other and keep those negative comments to our well-meaning selves. 

Have you got a super large and super small age gap with your kiddies? Do you regret your age gap choices?

Read my post '20 ways you know you're a new mum' here! 

Love Emma 

XOXO 

Fabulous finds - Teething? No trouble!

I'd read about the natural healing properties of amber quite a few times and how it's particularly good for teething babies. I'd banked that info to the back of my mummy brain, and let's face it, I'd totally forgotten all about it. No surprise there. 

Thankfully I stumbled across Baltic Babies on Instagram - a fabulous find! 

A cute little photo of some beautiful beads caught my eye and a click or two later and I was on their website. 

My little peanut (my baby boy) is a

8 weeks old. Teething is just around the corner so after reading that Baltic Amber is a natural anti-inflammatory which helps with swelling, redness and drooling I decided to go ahead an order him a bracelet. 

Teething can be a really tricky stage, some babies suffer more than others, and if there's a natural way to ease their discomfort I'm all for it! 

My order arrived in just a few short days and it's seriously cute! Super tiny, the perfect size for a baby, I've decided that Ethan will be wearing his on his ankle (to remove the chances of him chewing on it). 

I've already tried it on him for size and I have to say it looks adorable. I'm very optimistic about it's magical healing powers... and if all else fails least he'll look pretty darn cool whilst wearing it.

If you've got a baby with those pesky teethy-pegs on their way go check them out! www.balticbabies.com 

Do you have any natural healing remedies for babies or children? Have you tried Amber for teething? Did it help?

Love Emma 

XOXO